Thinking of You
by JordyGirl92
Summary: Stephanie is with Joe, thinking of Ranger. Song fic/one-shot based on the song Thinking of You by Katy Perry. First attempt at fan fiction, CUPCAKE WARNING
1. Chapter 1

A/N: All characters belong to Janet Evanovich and I am making no money off this project. Also, I am using the song Thinking of You by Katy Perry as the inspiration for this piece. It might help to listen to the song before you listen, but you don't have to. By the way, this takes place soon after the scene in Hard Eight where Ranger tells Stephanie to go back to Morelli. This is my first story and I have to thank my amazing beta readers, Marge and Liz over on yahoo groups and Adalind who found time to help this be what it is. Thank you!

Thinking of You

I heard the locks tumble and hope bloomed in my chest.

"Ranger," I breathed.

I slowly stood up from the fetal position I was curled into on my couch. Ranger had come back; he was coming to tell me it was a mistake. What he said was all wrong, he didn't mean it and he didn't think I should go back to Joe. The ball of dread that was sitting heavily in the bottom of my stomach was slowly starting to lift.

And then came crashing back down when I realized it was Joe at the door.

"Hey, Cupcake, waiting up for me?"

He was talking…my world was collapsing in on me and he was talking. I desperately wanted that soothing calm that would have come had Ranger been the one to walk through the door. He would have silently picked my locks and when he entered, just stood by the doorway just staring at me. "Babe," he would barely breathe and that's all I would need. Ranger and I didn't need to have a whole conversation filled with loud words that went on and on without stopping. We could say so much with out saying a word. Joe had finally stopped talking and was looking at me, as if he was expecting a response.

"I'm sorry, Joe, I just don't feel good, I guess. What are you doing here?" I asked. I always knew why Ranger came to see me. It wasn't as if he told me, we just had this ESP thing between us and I always knew what he needed. I remember one time when Ranger had been in the wind for six months. It was the middle of the night and I woke up with hairs on the back of my neck rising. "Ranger," I said.

"Yeah, Babe, it's me." He answered.

I took a moment to look at the clock, 3:48 it said. I looked at his face for the first time in so long. It was tired, weary. He needed acceptance; he needed something normal, untouched by warfare and man's natural hatred of one another to hold onto his sanity. I simply lifted up my side of the covers and let him slide in with me. He held me that night, and later, when he thought I was asleep, he cried.

"I just came by to see my Cupcake, and maybe get a taste," Joe said waggling his eyebrows, dragging me back to the here and now with a resounding bang.

When the sight of the hottest man in Trenton, bar Ranger, wanting you does nothing for you, you know something's wrong. Ranger might have said something like that, but he would have had me up against a wall, with his delicious body pushed up against mine so I could feel _all_ of him and he'd whisper those words in my ear. Ranger was magic. That must be the only explanation for how he drove me wild with just a whisper.

"I'm not in the mood tonight Joe. I already said I don't feel good and it's late. I have to be up early tomorrow and go by the office to check for more skips," I said. It was partly true. I was running low on cash and I guess being heartsick qualifies as 'don't-feel-good.' And, plus, I just don't think it's a good idea to sleep with someone when you can't seem to get someone else out of your head. I think that's in a book somewhere, or maybe something Oprah said on her TV show, hmmm.

"Come on, Cupcake, don't be like that," Joe whined as he slowly started to come towards me.

"No, Joe, not tonight." I replied as he was putting his arms around me.

He slowly started to bend his neck so that his lips could reach mine. Right as our lips were about to touch, he whispered, "You know you want it."

For all intents and purposes, I did mean to push him away, really. I was trying to take advantage of that advice, but…he was there. He wanted me when the person I really wanted didn't. If Joe could help me forget Ranger and make this hurt go away, then who was I to look a gift horse in the mouth?

Joe's lips touched mine as he started our kiss off nice and slow. Eventually, he licked my bottom lip asking for permission to come inside. I'm ashamed to admit it, but when his tongue entered my mouth I tasted Ranger. Ranger had told me he would ruin me for all men and by golly if he didn't. How do you get better once you've had the best? He told me to go back to Joe and so, here I am, doing what he told me. Yep, that was how I was justifying sleeping with him and I'm sticking to it. But, I couldn't even kiss Joe without imagining Ranger being the one who was kissing me. Joe wrapped his arms around me tighter and pulled me in closer, and I was disgusted with myself because I was imagining bigger, more toned arms the color of Mocha Latte.

Joe's left arm slid slowly down my right side until he reached my thigh. He wrapped his hand around it and lifted, hooking my knee around his hips. Ranger wouldn't do it like this, he liked to kiss and tantalize long before he got to this part. I pulled back and looked into Joe's eyes, feeling my breath catch when I realized they weren't melted chocolate in color. I guess Joe took that as a sign that I was a willing participant because he picked me up and carried me to the bedroom. It wasn't anything like when Ranger did it.

Men, they're like apples hanging from trees. I picked the best one, and while it was amazing in that first bite, I still got the seed stuck in my throat when I swallowed. You said move on…so I am. I guess second best is all I will know. Damn you, Ranger. Damn you! Why did you make me fall in love with you? Why did you make me feel the hope of true love if you were only going to throw it back in my face?

Joe deposited me on the bed, trying quickly to divest me of my clothes.

"No! No! No! This isn't how it's supposed to be!" I screamed in my head. Ranger did everything slow.

"Cupcake?" Joe said, "Why are you crying? Oh God, did I hurt you? I'm so sorry, I—"

What was going on? I sat up to be able to see him more clearly and that was when I felt the tears falling down my face. I really couldn't do this. No one but Ranger would ever be okay. It wasn't even the quality of their love making; it was the fact that, in my heart I felt like I was cheating on him. Which, of course, made no sense…he TOLD me to go back with Joe, but still, the feeling remained.

"I'm sorry, Joe. I just don't feel good. I need to be alone and get some sleep tonight," I said through these damn tears. I hate it when I cry; the only person who made me feel safe enough to cry told me to move on. I barely noticed Joe storming through the apartment cursing under his breath and finally the door slamming shut, signaling his departure.

I curled up into the fetal position again; it only felt right to end the night in the same way it began. All I wanted was for Ranger to burst in that door and say he was sorry and he didn't mean it, or for my cell to ring and for him to ask me if I was ok, because he saw Morelli's car leaving the parking lot like a bat outta hell. Anything, because all I wanted to look in his dark brown eyes and stay there forever.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I'm so sorry that I took so long to update this! Lately RL has been a real nasty woman, and; therefore, writing has taken a back burner. I spent a week in the hospital and they still don't know what's wrong with me. Anyways, you know the drill. None of us own any of these characters, nor are we making any money off of them! A HUGE thanks to my beta Adalind, if you haven't read The Dark Knight, you are missing an amazing story. This chapter is based on I Never Told You by Colbie Callait.

I Never Told You

"Get up," I yelled at Robert 'Skip' Tyron. It was a pretty fitting nickname tonight as he was the skip that we had just apprehended at some low rent bar tonight. I overheard my team whispering in their little huddle a few feet away; did they honestly think that I couldn't hear them?

"Boss," Lester said, "You've got to stop. We can't bring him to the station that bruised up. Bobby's going to have to work on him for a little bit before we can take him in as it is already. Don't make this worse, man."

"Whatever," I said as I threw _Skip_ on the ground before I stomped over to the car. I shut my eyes and leaned up against the F-450. I knew I had to stop, I had to concentrate. But, I was slowly going insane from lack of sleep. I opened my eyes to see Tank warily approaching me.

"It's ok. I won't go crazy again." I said to make him feel better.

"Bossman, what's wrong with you? You've been going out of your mind lately, yelling at people for no reason, and you mixed up the information on one of our takedowns. If Lester hadn't caught it before we went in there, we could have all been seriously hurt. And now this thing with Tyron, 'falling down' two or three times is one thing, shoving him into every sold surface you can find is another. What the hell is going on with you?"

"I don't know, man, I'm sorry about all that. Maybe I just need some down time." I replied quietly. Maybe I just needed some damn sleep. I was sick and tired of being the Ranger that everyone walked on egg shells around.

"Yeah, why don't you just go to Bombshell's? That always seems to help you calm down."

"No! I don't want to fucking go to Stephanie's! Why don't you get that, I don't want to go!" I barked. Tank was actually looking a little scared, "Look man, I'm sorry; I just can't seem to get enough sleep at night. I'm going to head out and try to just relax."

"Yeah, might be a good idea if you stopped at the gym on your way up, too. Maybe take your anger out on something that's meant for it. Ella will be pissed if she has to replace any more broken furniture this month."

The sound of my breathing and the sound of flesh being pummeled were the only sounds in the room. I kept hitting that damn punching bag, but that feeling of dread inside me wouldn't go away. Why did I feel this way? It's not like I made her promises that I had no intention of keeping. I told her it would be good and it was. That was the only thing even close to a promise that I said to her. It had been four hours since I had left the guys to handle Tyron; Tank had come in to check on me when they got back, but when I didn't stop hitting the bag he just quietly left me alone. They knew better than to try to make me listen to reason whenever I was in one of these moods.

I'd told her before that my love comes with a condom and not a ring. I don't do relationships; I don't do things that don't improve either my 'Badass Image' or my life expectancy out in the field. So why did she expect me to stay around the next morning? Why did I want to stay around the next morning?

What we had was different from all the other one night stands I'd had, I'd give her that, but, at the time I chalked it up to the fact that Steph and I actually knew each other. I knew that the little scar on her side was from the time when Ronnie Giardino had set her car on fire. The explosion had knocked her back into the alley wall, where she had hit the side of a rusty dumpster before she fell into it.

I smiled at the memory, when I pulled up I saw her sitting there on the curb with garbage in her hair and old food on her clothes. She simply looked at me and said "I don't want to hear it right now. I am so not in the mood, Ranger." When I lifted my eyebrow at her she replied, "Fine, whatever, I don't want to SEE it either. You know, when I said I didn't want to hear it that kinda included snarky facial movements!" she yelled as she stomped her way over to Morelli on the other side of the alley.

Morelli. I wonder what he's doing right now. Maybe he's with Steph, maybe he's making her laugh as he pulls her closer into him so he can lean down and kiss her. "Ah! Damn it!" I screamed as I hit the punching bag again. I thought the stupid thing was supposed to calm me down. Maybe expend all my energy so that I could finally get some sleep.

Sleep, what a concept! I haven't had a good night's sleep since that night with _her_. Every time I close my eyes I see those blue ones. I see them icy blue, like when she's mad. I see them sky blue like when she's scared. I definitely see them that deep blue color like when she's turned on. But, mostly, I see them _that_ blue, the color of the ocean on a stormy day. Well, not really, since the ocean is really a grey color, but the color that cartoons and drawings make it out to be. That color is the color her eyes turn when she's been hurt and is about to burst into tears at any moment. That's the color her eyes turned when I told her to go back that bastard. When I can finally get those images out of my head, I find that I can't get comfortable. I turn on my side, but I feel empty when she isn't there curling up against me.

The nights are never ending. All I can see is her face. All I can taste is the smile in her kiss. She does that a lot. When she's happy she smiles into the kiss and lightly giggles. Any other girl to have done that would have seemed incredibly immature. Yet, when she does that, it makes me smile, a true, genuine smile. She makes me feel alive again. And it's not just the sex that was mind blowing. It was how, when we were done, we just laid there looking at each other and breathing. Just in and out, a slow rhythm that gelled.

I finally sat down on the cold floor of the gym. My legs had given out and I was exhausted, but I couldn't sleep. I was consumed by this random girl.

Who am I kidding? I love her. I've loved her from the moment I saw her. It was one of those, "You had me from hello" little moments. My life changed when I met her. I had royally screwed up. I was so afraid of change that I wouldn't let it come when it hit me on the head. I told her to go back because that's what I always did to girls that I slept with. It was routine. I had told that to every girl I'd slept with since I was 20, everyone since Rachel.

We've been avoiding each other like the plague the last few weeks and it's really starting to take its toll on me. Before her, my life was one straight goal. Run RangeMan and do the best job I can. When she came into my life, she brought purpose. I had another human being I felt the need to protect and comfort. Now that she was gone, I didn't have that anymore. My life was at a standstill. I don't know what to do when she isn't here. My world is incomplete and I never told her.

I never told her that she gives me peace in a world filled with ugly things, such ugly things that no human should have to bear the burden of keeping alone. She brings me joy and happiness and light and all those other good things people talk about in chick flicks, all by breathing.

I jumped up and headed towards the garage, I had to make things right. I had to tell her that I loved her and maybe I didn't know exactly what I wanted but I did know that her presence in my life was imperative towards my happiness.

As I pulled into her parking lot, I saw something that made my gut clench. Morelli's car was parked in its usual spot. Maybe it wasn't what I thought it was; maybe he was just there to talk. I looked up at her window. Of course, the curtains weren't drawn, didn't she think about people wanting to look in on her private life? What I saw broke my heart. She was standing in Morelli's arms with his tongue about halfway down her throat. I was too late; I had pushed away my light. I simply turned my car around and left.

I loved her; whatever made her happy was what I wanted for her, even if it killed me. I would continue dreaming of her eyes and the ways I hurt her, but at least I would have the happy memories that one night gave me to hold onto.

P.S. I'm not really sure how well I did with continuing on from the first chapter or how well written this is. Feel free to give constructive criticism! I'd like to thank everyone who sent me a review on the last chapter. Let me tell you, they give you the most amazing feeling when someone praises your work!


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